Should I Speak to a Lawyer Before Telling My Spouse I Want a Divorce?

There is no requirement to consult a lawyer before informing your spouse that you wish to divorce. However, obtaining legal advice beforehand can be useful where the decisions made at the outset may affect arrangements concerning children, property or finances.

This is particularly so where you are concerned about:

• who the children will live with;
• access to the children;
• the matrimonial home;
• substantial matrimonial assets;
• maintenance;
• assets involving third party interests;
• overseas assets;
• whether assets may be moved or disposed of; or
• how your spouse may react when divorce is raised.

The purpose of getting advice at this stage is not necessarily to start legal proceedings. Rather, it is to understand your rights, obligations and available options before making significant decisions.

What Should I Find Out Before Filing for Divorce?

The first step is to understand whether you are eligible to commence divorce proceedings in Singapore and the basis upon which the divorce may proceed.

Before filing for divorce in Singapore, you need to know whether you satisfy the legal requirements to commence proceedings and what divorce route may be available to you.

• You or your spouse must be a Singapore citizen or have been living in Singapore for 3 continuous years immediately prior to the filing of the divorce application.
• You must generally have been married for at least 3 years. Divorce within the first 3 years of marriage requires the Court’s permission and is only allowed in highly exceptional circumstances.
• The marriage must have irretrievably broken down, which must be established using one of the legally recognised facts, including adultery, unreasonable behaviour, desertion, separation, or divorce by mutual agreement.

Beyond the divorce itself, it is equally important to consider the ancillary matters that may arise from the breakdown of the marriage.

A divorce does not only end the marriage. Depending on your circumstances, decisions may also need to be made about:

Children — custody, care and control and access.

Matrimonial assets — including property, savings, investments and other assets that may fall within the matrimonial asset pool.

The family home — including what happens to an HDB flat or private property.

Maintenance — for a spouse and/or children where applicable.

Understanding these issues early can help you identify where you and your spouse already agree, and which matters may require further discussion, negotiation or legal advice.

What Documents Should I Gather?

Before discussions begin, it is useful to have as complete a picture as possible of the family’s financial circumstances.

Relevant documents may include:

• bank statements;
• CPF statements;
• mortgage information;
• property documents;
• investment records;
• insurance policies;
• tax and income documents;
• information concerning
• businesses or companies; and
• records relating to significant liabilities.

This should not involve removing original documents improperly or accessing accounts, devices or information that you are not legally entitled to access.

The objective is to identify and preserve records to which you already have lawful access and which may become relevant to the divorce proceedings.

Should I Move Out of the Family Home?

There is no rule that one spouse must leave the family home simply because divorce has been raised. Whether either party should move out will depend on the family’s particular circumstances.

There may be practical, financial and parenting consequences to changing the family’s living arrangements.
For example, if children are involved, consideration may need to be given to their schooling, daily routine, caregiving arrangements and how they will spend time with each parent.

Similarly, leaving the matrimonial home does not automatically mean giving up your interest in that property. However, the practical implications of moving out can differ significantly from case to case.

If moving out could affect an ongoing dispute involving the children, property or finances, it may be sensible to obtain advice before making the move rather than afterwards.

What Should We Do About the Children?

For parents, this is often understandably the most important issue.

As far as possible, it is helpful to distinguish the breakdown of the marital relationship from the continuing responsibilities of both parties as parents.

The focus should remain on what arrangements will best serve the children’s welfare and provide them with appropriate stability and continuity.

Singapore family law distinguishes between custody, care and control, and access.

Custody generally concerns major decisions affecting the child. Care and control concerns the child’s day-to-day care and where the child primarily lives. Access concerns the time the non-care and control parent spends with the child.

If you and your spouse can discuss workable arrangements focused on the children’s welfare, this can help reduce one of the major sources of conflict in divorce.

Where you cannot agree, obtaining advice early may help you understand the considerations that are likely to be relevant if parenting arrangements have to be determined by the Court.

Should We Agree on the Divorce Terms Before Filing?

Where appropriate, reaching an agreement on some or all of the issues before contested proceedings begin can make the divorce process more efficient and less contentious.

However, this does not mean that one should agree to terms simply to “get the divorce over with”.

Before agreeing, you should understand what the proposed terms actually mean, particularly when they concern children, property, maintenance or significant assets.

A seemingly simple agreement can have long-term consequences.

Any agreement should therefore be reached with a proper understanding of its legal and practical consequences, rather than simply for the sake of resolving matters quickly.

What Makes a Divorce Become Complicated?

Sometimes the difficulty is obvious from the beginning. In other cases, what initially appears to be a straightforward divorce becomes more complicated as disagreements emerge.

Common areas of difficulty can include:

• disputes about where the children should live;
• disagreements over access;
• significant or complex matrimonial assets;
• disputes about whether particular assets should form part of the matrimonial pool;
• businesses or company interests;
• overseas property or investments;
• maintenance disputes;
• disagreements about the value of assets;
• concerns about incomplete financial disclosure; and
• one spouse refusing to agree on important divorce terms.

The more areas of disagreement there are, the more likely it is that the divorce will require negotiation, mediation or determination by the Court.

Do I Need a Divorce Strategy?

Not every divorce requires extensive strategic planning.

If you and your spouse broadly agree about the divorce, the children, assets and financial arrangements, the path forward may be relatively straightforward.

But where there is significant disagreement or something substantial at stake, careful planning becomes increasingly important.

This may involve considering:

• what outcome you are seeking;
• what the core issues are;
• where compromise may be possible;
• what evidence or financial information may be required;
• what should be addressed before proceedings begin; and
• whether negotiation, mediation or Court proceedings may be appropriate.

Strategic advice is not intended to make divorce proceedings unnecessarily adversarial. Its purpose is to ensure that decisions are made with a proper understanding of their consequences, rather than in response to events after they have already occurred.

Process Information or Strategic Divorce Advice — Which Do I Need?

This depends on the nature of the guidance you require.

I Mainly Want to Understand How Divorce Works

Our Free 20-minute Divorce Process Call is intended for people who want an initial understanding of the Singapore divorce process, including eligibility, the general steps involved, documentation and available divorce options.

It is suitable where your main concern is understanding the procedure rather than obtaining legal advice on the merits of your particular circumstances.

I Need Advice About What I Should Do

A Strategic Divorce Consultation is more appropriate where you want legal advice about your individual circumstances.

This may include questions such as:

• Should I leave the matrimonial home?
• What parenting arrangement should I propose?
• How might our assets be divided?
• Should I agree to the terms my spouse has proposed?
• What should I do before telling my spouse I intend to file?
• How should I approach negotiations?

These are not simply questions about how divorce works. They require consideration of your particular circumstances, the applicable legal principles and the practical consequences of the available options.

Before You Take the Next Step

If you are thinking about divorce, you do not necessarily need to have every issue resolved before speaking to your spouse or approaching a lawyer.

However, it is useful to identify the issues that may require attention before significant decisions are made.

For some people, understanding the divorce process is enough to take the next step.

For others, particularly where there are children, substantial assets, property, businesses or significant disagreement, obtaining strategic advice before making major decisions can help avoid problems that would be much harder to address later.

At Gloria James-Civetta & Co, our divorce lawyers can walk you through both the divorce process and, where required, the legal and strategic considerations relevant to your circumstances, including the steps that may be appropriate before divorce proceedings are commenced.